Why I'm able to Mother with love instead of merely surviving my Autistic children!

Do you ever wonder about your neighbor and their rowdy children?  Or look crooked at a family eating at the table next you and wonder why they can't control their child?  Stop for a moment and think about the fact that you know nothing about that family unless you have spoken to them.  Even then, they may not reveal the truth to a stranger or a person who doesn't need to know their business.  When I'm in public and my child is climbing the walls, I don't make a proclamation of "my daughter is Autistic and that's why she's out of control", because honestly I don't need to make excuses (nor do I have the time), I just need to focus on teaching her the right way to behave and to ignore the negative behaviors that draw her too much attention.  Does this sound foreign?  It did to me also about 2 years ago when we were first learning this new technique of training our children how to interact in a social world when they have no social compass whatsoever.


My life doesn't revolve around Autism, or does it?  I find my thoughts gravitate to what ASD is teaching me, or rather, what my children who suffer from ASD are teaching me.  I have been compelled to look deeper inside myself than I ever thought I needed to.  I've had to remove scales from my eyes about my own heart and how over the years I have naively judged other parents.  I escape in my mind to places I've never traveled (for those who know me intimately, it's usually England :), in order to survive those days that make ZERO sense and when my calendar is so full I actually need to be in 3 places at once and they are all equally important.  I find I am a person who needs peace and quiet to concentrate on important detailed matters and because I no longer have that quiet time, I'm learning how to create a situation that motivates me enough to finish tasks that ordinary leave me baffled.

I use the word baffled now.  Amazing...haha.

When I was in middle school I loved Punk music and I wore ghastly black clothes with chains and spikes.  Due to childhood trauma, I also had emotional baggage that today would cost thousands in airport fees!  Life was dark, mysterious and hurtful and hence I became those things too.  I still find myself wanting to wear heavy black eye-liner and converse!  Its comical really when you see who I am now and how I go days on end wearing whatever fits (even my husbands clothes), one would think I have no style of my own or any sense of fashion.  But, in the midst of this irony, I have found a profound sense of freedom, after all aren't punk rockers rebellious in nature?  Aren't they trend setters and haters of the common fashion world?

Why is she talking about punk-rockers and Autism?  Where is all this going?

 

Please let me explain.

I am the mother of 7 children.  I gave birth to 4 of them and 3 of them were entrusted to me by God.  I also have what I call spiritual "adopted" children that call me mom :) They all face challenges in different ways.  They have hurts and questions like I did.  That is why my life was hard growing up.  I'm sorry if this sounds "cliché"  but lets be real, I could never understand and have compassion on my future children if I had the perfect upbringing.  "There is no "perfect" upbringing" you may say...and I hear ya...but, there are "white picket fence" lives out there.  Parents who stay married.  Good family and friends encouraging good character.  Money doesn't buy happiness but it does provide more opportunities to thrive in sports, education, travel and experiences.  Everyone has trouble, yes.  But, not everyone has childhood trauma.


Recently, I have uncovered some truths about me that are bringing the last 40 years into perspective.  Have you ever wondered why you have encountered various things in life and why others haven't?  Why your parents divorced, why you were abused, why there was never security, why you rebelled and tried drugs or allowed people to take advantage of you?  I usually don't think about it and maybe I should?  I have just moseyed through life and took things as they came, one day at a time.  I expected bad things.  It was comfortable for me.  I made decisions along the way that formed who I am.  Some bad. Some good.  But clearly there was a reason for all the hurt and I could've crawled into a ball and cried...and there were days that I did.  I could've given up. I think often about what Jesus might say if He were physically standing by me in those moments.  Probably something like, "what are you doing with what I have given you?"  It's a hard question to face.  It picks us up and dusts us off as we realize that it is because of His purpose that we pour ourselves out into whomever He places in our lives.  Our family, children, friends, those in need and people who have nobody.  Who am I to wallow and give up. Who am I to NOT do my best with those He has placed in my life?

Finally it becomes clear if you accept that you aren't in control.  All those memories and life experiences have formed you and me into the person who can handle what is going on today.  If I'm being more specific about MY life, then I'd have to say that I am able to adjust to change, be flexible, accept craziness, be different, look different, improvise and stand out.  That is where the punk-rocker in my shines...lol.  And yes, I believe that God allowed ALL of this so that when I had to face the challenge of Autism I would embrace it and fight through the trials with love and tenderness.  If I had a great upbringing, I could not handle this, it would be terrifying and I would crumble into a big mess of emotion. I am not perfect and have my moments when I don't think I can take it but God always shows me the way and gives me His strength.  I hope I'm not coming across as knowing it all because that is not my intent in any way, shape or form.  I am just doing what I do, speaking for myself and from the heart and sharing my own personal experience.  Hopefully shedding some light for a mom, dad or care taker who is feeling the same hopelessness with their special situation.