It's totally definitely lovely up in here!

I have emails to return and a recipe to look up for dinner.  Now that our iPad is broken and our 5 year old has been home from school for a few days, due to bowel issues (lovely), he has no regular outlet to keep him occupied.  Extra lovely.  So, about 11:30 our middle-little gets home from school.  Now they are all 3 here and as usual want 3 vastly different things to eat/drink or play with.  As a substitute for the iPad, I allow our son to use my iPhone but the battery doesn't last long and it's our only outgoing phone in the house.  Hence, major multitasking hiccups because while he's on it, I can't text or call people back that have, inevitably been trying to reach me for my daily schedule.  At this point, the 2 girls are roaming around taking their clothes off in the living room and begging for juice cups, at which point I get for them after climbing a gate, once to get in the kitchen and again to get out of the kitchen.  I have also been trying to get laundry done so I'm shifting baskets and making room for my Cornish game hens to thaw on my wash machine because the only counter space we have has a mixer, blender, coffee maker and tea kettle sitting on it....for lack of storage space...even more loveliness occurring.  Ok, now they have their juice and I've put in a cute little Britishy piggy program and now I can get back to my computer work.  But, that isn't all.  If I go in my room, Aidan has to slam the door behind me, it's just the way he likes it and nobody can argue with Aidan.  But, if the door is closed I can't hear the baby climb the gate and get a dry-erase marker and totally, definitely, can't hear her marking up the back door and dryer.  And then, repeat, after swatting her bum and lifting her over the gate, back in the room and out again to find her with a fork in the 3rd yogurt of the morning (which Daddy has made very clear has to last to the end of the week) and she looks at me and with a raspy little voice says, "hi".  I swat, lift and redirect her to the living room and make my way back to the emails that I still haven't done.  All the while, Kaelynn is in a diaper and standing on a chair that she can placed directly in front of the tv and she's hugging the screen and shouting out words that nobody can understand.  After she gets bored, she runs in the room where Aidan is calmly and quietly enjoying himself and screams "Kaelynns turn!!", so he goes to whack her in the face with the phone...but I was quicker this one time and grab the phone and in my held-back good mommy voice, I say, "Sorry Aidan, it's Kaelynn turn"(cuz it really was her turn)...he screams and runs out of the room and she proceeds to slam the door in my face.  Kylie is missing now.  Guess where she is?  In the kitchen of course, and standing in the fridge saying, "juice". Swat. Lift.  "I. want. choco. milk', chimes Aidan from behind me.  I tell him to wait and then I smell something.  Oh, the laxative must be working...so I'm off to change Aidan.  Done with Aidan.  "Mama, potty!", says Kaelynn as she does the wee dance to the bathroom and now Ky has to go too.  Well, why not! Lets all go in the 4x6 bathroom!  One is digging in the trash while the other is bashing my feet with a stool and we manage to get out of there with accomplished evacuation and mama gets the bright idea to put big girl panties on both girls!!  Yay!!  But it's lunch time so I've got to get something together but first I have to get them happy again and get these emails done.  Of course, as I'm hurrying around and being all "busy momish", Aidan shows me my dead phone.  No biggie.  We can do this.  And, it gives me a chance to dismiss the work that needs to be done and we do horsey rides and swings and climb on mommy until her hips are smashed into the carpet.  And lets pull mommy's hair and kick her in the back.  So, done with that quickly, haha.  I chose frozen burritos.  It's one of those "I cook from scratch a lot, and it's slim pickings" days!  Got them in the oven.  Back to email.  Hear the girls in the kitchen. whack. Lift. whack. Lift (there are 2 of them this time)...both crying cuz mama is so darn mean.  Back to emails.  Wow, I'm making progress.  Kids are quiet.  Getting stuff done.  Wait.  Kids are quiet.  I turn toward our bedroom door as it slowly opens and in comes a little finger with...stuff...on...it.  Instant adrenaline, OH NO!!!  She doesn't have a diaper on!!!  Ok! Major mess ummmm, all over her legs and now I've got to get these undies off of her with out making a bigger mess, ok....on the floor...no no no...we shouldn't have done that!  Meanwhile, my bedroom door is open because JUST THIS ONCE, I DIDNT LOCK IT BEHIND ME!!! and SO the other two take full advantage of mama being occupied!! Kaelynn has a heavy paper weight in her hand about ready to pound my laptop keyboard and Aidan can't be seen around the corner but I hear bouncing so my heart rate goes up about 50 pts.  Gotta find those baby wipes!  We finally get to the bathroom door, half organized with non-poop accidents waiting to happen, and the DOOR IS LOCKED!  I'm trying to get my key with two handfuls of mess and the key is hitting Kylie in the face! Get the door open and now maneuver around the new light-tan bath mat we just got and I'm dropping wipes in the toilet...I know...I know...they aren't supposed to go in there, but the trash is full and these things were nasty! This goes on. and on. and on.  We finally finish and I bring her out to the couch, and I'm running, I mean running because I know I have a fire to put out in my room and there is poopie on my carpet.  But Kaelynn isn't in the room anymore, only Aidan...and he's hiding in the closet...so I search for Kaelynn.  What better place than on top of the most expensive pillow in our house, with her big wet butt because she just wee'd all over the thing!  Off come those undies!  Now I have 2 naked little butts running around!!  And with children that have Autism, they repeat everything back to you as you say it...so there is a constant echo, "stop it! (stop it), what are you doing? (what are you doing), come here! (come here), where are your clothes?? (where are your clothes).  I decide they are both getting diapers and now Aidan needs to be changed again so he's pounding on the bedroom door that was locked by his sister.  Open. Lock. slam. open. lock. slam. unlock. climb. lift. whack!  And laundry is getting piled up again. And I still haven't emailed and how am I going to manage dinner.  It's now 2:20pm and we have therapy at 3:30.  And now I'm blogging...because darn it...I'm a freaking mess over here that needs an outlet!!  Loveliness surrounds me...yep, it's totally, definitely lovely up in here!  And that folks, is my memoire of the last hour.  Good day. Good night.  Good God.